Sunday, January 6, 2008

Please don't Ape the Aussies...

I generally avoid talking, writing or even thinking about the game of cricket... It is almost a religion in my country India, rather it is a religion. The current series, and especially last game though has just made a mockery of this gentleman's game.

It is sad but true that it is no longer a gentleman's game.

Imagine the great Aussies known all over the world for sledging can't distinguish the difference between conversation and sledging and to top it up complain about racism. I hope they have spoken with aborigines before they raise allegation against anyone. The Aussies have shamed the entire world, and my country, and I am sorry to say that world number one team is actually a poor loser. Mr. Ricky Ponting can breathe easy now... no more tag of being Bhajji's bunny. It must be humiliating to get out to one bowler so consistently, so if you don't understand what spin bowling is all about, and if you don't know how to defend your wicket, remove the bowler from the scene, by hook or crook.
I guess we should have expected this from the Australians, after all it is the same nation that resorted to underarm bowling just to avoid defeat... so if Aussies do it... it is legitimate. They are scared of Murali... so term him as a chucker, and have the best umpire no ball him, despite the fact that ICC couldn't prove it.
Why do aussies do this? Scared to lose at any cost, they resort to every trick on and off the field and then talk about sportsman spirit? Hypocrisy, alas is an art perfected by the Aussies.
While mind is still trying to figure out what is wrong with Aussies, and why I request any person who plays any game in any country not to APE [ape 2, transitive verb]the Aussies is that they really are not worth it... Not anymore.

A special thanks to two man who stood in the middle with eyes wide shut, and finger ever ready to please the Aussies. Mr. Steve Bucknor and Mr. Mark Benson should be elevated to the highest rank in the elite panel of umpires set up by ICC. Symonds [Of all folks, avoid aping him at least... he may accuse you of racial abuse, even if you are just trying to be him... dangerous world that we are living in, ICC may send few summons to you... in foolish SPEED]

The test played at SCG has been a big joke. Australia batting first wouldn't have come anywhere close to the score they were able to make thanks to generosity (charity / donation .. world no. 1 team should get the better of everything...) shown by the two umpires - Mr. Bucknor and Mr. Mark. (In fact, I think I can do just as well standing in the middle, or rather, my grand mother can do justice to that post as well, she just has some problems in hearing, a little shaky to identify objects at some distance, and then if you have a doubt, look for Ponting to raise his index finger, and the decision can be made, it is all so simple). If it is Symonds who is batting, please do not bother to appeal or try to get him out. He is a team player with strong team mates, with a strong case that every other team in the world is a cheat, who abuse him, and the Aussies, and he can do no wrong. So he acknowledges at the end of play that he nicked the ball, that he was aware that he was out, that he stood his ground, that he was just keeping the great Australian tradition alive to win at any cost (and hey .. that is NOT CHEATING) he is doing all this just for his country (of cheats) and his team (that likes to cheat, so they can win, so they can have a record of not losing to anyone) There was also one man sitting with all available technology to watch replays as long as he wanted before declaring not out to Mr. Andres Symonds, but he too got it wrong, Mr. SPEED watch out.. your team is doing more wrong than right... and it just can't be bad day in office for 5 consecutive days. If that is acceptable to you, I am sorry to let you know that it is not acceptable to us.

The whole test match has been a disgrace. So my friends, if you wish to be on the winning side, you have to learn few things like
a. Get neutral umpires like Mr. Steve Bucknor and Mr. Mark Benson. Both don't know what they are supposed to do as neutral umpire. [Do they understand the meaning of word neutral?]
b. If you think, the opponents have good bowlers, raise allegation of racial abuse. You can always count on your cheatmates / team mates to have a strong case to vouch. Let ICC do the rest to help you with removing the bowler for rest of series. Case Close, No more would Ponting dance to spin of Bhajji, or called his bunny. (How dare you call me bunny!!! I am not).
c. Drop catches, but claim that you think you got it 100% right. You being Australians, umpires know you too well to give decision in your favour. That is not cheating anyone, one has the right to feel right.
d. If you are Aussie appeal as many times as you can, even when the batsman is not out. The chance of probability would show that if you are Australian, Mr. Bucknor & Mr Mark Benson would trust you, more than what his eyes and ears allow him to, and he would not hesitate to raise his index finger. If you are a batsman, please don't stand at the crease after you have been ruled out, ICC may not like you for showing dissent, and you may also be banned for playing against Australia for the remaining (farcical) tour.
e. If you are australian, and are afraid of facing spin bowlers, start raising doubts about bowling action of spinners being dubious. You have HAIR raising NO BALL scenes to help you retain your top position.
f. All is fair in Cricket - This applies only to Australian team. Start practicing to use any language to or utter anything and everything, and remember, at the end of the day, claim that you play the game in right spirit, it is competitive game and you are just being competitive.

In case you follow what I said in the title "Please do not APE the aussies" .. I am sorry but you would be on the side that loses to Umpires like Mr. Steve Bucknor and Mr. Mark Benson. And yes, you would also eventually lose to Australia Cricket Team.

It is your choice. Cheat & Win - You must be an Australian Mate!!!

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